dedpedal
11-09-2007, 09:50 AM
I think Ive had something to say about damn near every bodily function possible so Ill try to avoid any of those. Ever hear the old saying "I have underwear older than you"? Well it appears to me that Ive hit that mark in my lifetime. My life has been filled with many ups and downs. Ive been blessed with many people in my life that I consider true friends (yall know who you are) and countless encounters with people who I wouldnt trust to clean the cats litter box. Many cars that Ive enjoyed and been proud to own as well as some that I was ashamed to be seen in. Where am I going with this you ask? Read on oh faithful listener as I tell my tale.
As of today Im 41 years and 15 days on this earth. Thats alot of time to wear underwear. Subtract the first couple of years for diapers (and according to Mom, Ive allways had the ability to clog a toilet) and its still mindboggling the amount of time spent in briefs, boxers or whatever new style is going around. Most people think of me as a tightwad with my money, I prefer to consider myself as frugal. I spend money freely on things that I enjoy or make me happy. Underwear simply isnt high on my priority list, therefore, I dont spend much cash on keeping them new.Amy has a tendency to buy me new from time to time and I tend to toss the old ones after they have outlived their usefulness. Usualy they become holey (thats full of holes, not getting religion) and I toss them if either A: my ass is making contact with denim or B: my mini me gets to rubbing the zipper. I can tell you from experiance that getting the lil guy stuck is litteraly hell on earth. Mabbe that pair WAS geting close to god and taking out its revenge by sending me into a daytime hell. Who knows?
In the meantime, Ive been working on a comercial job and it intails alot of bending at the hips and squatting to pick up glass from packing crates. Needless to say, Im fitting right in with the plumbers union. Why is it that when a female bends over and shows some of her asscrack, we want to look yet if we catch an unwanted glimpse of a mans crack, its either sickening or outright funny? At some point in life I came across a pair of FOTLs that have withstood the test of time. Im sure these things have been around for 20 years or more without the resultant blowout from behind or wearing thin in from and letting my guy out. Sure, they had their fill of skidmarks dribble stains and the color of faded white paint but they were comfortable and they stayed up to cover my vase back there. Im guessing that over the years of washing that the elastic in the wasteband had gotten brittle because yesterday as I was bent over a piece of glass I heard the sound that every man fears. TWANG TWANG TWANGITY TWANG! Just like the cartoon cat thats holding onto a rope and the mouse slowly cuts through it one strand at a time. I imediately felt my briefs starting to succumb to gravity and startworming thier way down my legs. To be standing there in front of a bunch of other workers and drop trou to fix simply aint gonna happen. Theres little to no heat in this building and we all know what happens then the twins get cold. So in my best imitation of freshmen gymclass. I reach down my pants and grab a handful. "A handful of what?" youre about to ask. A handful of pale white FOTLs of course. My plan was to tie the loop in a knot to get me through the rest of the day. When I got some out I soon realized that it wasnt gonna happen. My second course of action entailed grabbing my tint knife and cutting my way out. So here I go in a fit of flying blade that would make a samuri blush,cutting and hacking like a jungle surveyor with a machette.In one final swipe, I was free and stood triumphantly with my tighty pale whitelies held high above my head. The only person who took notice was some girl walking around with a clipboard, taking notes on somethign. She smiled and jotted something down. Im sure Ill be the subject of the next safety meeting for that one. So now Ive come to a point in my life that I know that no matter what I do, my underwear just isnt going to stay up without elastic.
Now you know what to do if youre in a similar situation.
Thanks for listening
As of today Im 41 years and 15 days on this earth. Thats alot of time to wear underwear. Subtract the first couple of years for diapers (and according to Mom, Ive allways had the ability to clog a toilet) and its still mindboggling the amount of time spent in briefs, boxers or whatever new style is going around. Most people think of me as a tightwad with my money, I prefer to consider myself as frugal. I spend money freely on things that I enjoy or make me happy. Underwear simply isnt high on my priority list, therefore, I dont spend much cash on keeping them new.Amy has a tendency to buy me new from time to time and I tend to toss the old ones after they have outlived their usefulness. Usualy they become holey (thats full of holes, not getting religion) and I toss them if either A: my ass is making contact with denim or B: my mini me gets to rubbing the zipper. I can tell you from experiance that getting the lil guy stuck is litteraly hell on earth. Mabbe that pair WAS geting close to god and taking out its revenge by sending me into a daytime hell. Who knows?
In the meantime, Ive been working on a comercial job and it intails alot of bending at the hips and squatting to pick up glass from packing crates. Needless to say, Im fitting right in with the plumbers union. Why is it that when a female bends over and shows some of her asscrack, we want to look yet if we catch an unwanted glimpse of a mans crack, its either sickening or outright funny? At some point in life I came across a pair of FOTLs that have withstood the test of time. Im sure these things have been around for 20 years or more without the resultant blowout from behind or wearing thin in from and letting my guy out. Sure, they had their fill of skidmarks dribble stains and the color of faded white paint but they were comfortable and they stayed up to cover my vase back there. Im guessing that over the years of washing that the elastic in the wasteband had gotten brittle because yesterday as I was bent over a piece of glass I heard the sound that every man fears. TWANG TWANG TWANGITY TWANG! Just like the cartoon cat thats holding onto a rope and the mouse slowly cuts through it one strand at a time. I imediately felt my briefs starting to succumb to gravity and startworming thier way down my legs. To be standing there in front of a bunch of other workers and drop trou to fix simply aint gonna happen. Theres little to no heat in this building and we all know what happens then the twins get cold. So in my best imitation of freshmen gymclass. I reach down my pants and grab a handful. "A handful of what?" youre about to ask. A handful of pale white FOTLs of course. My plan was to tie the loop in a knot to get me through the rest of the day. When I got some out I soon realized that it wasnt gonna happen. My second course of action entailed grabbing my tint knife and cutting my way out. So here I go in a fit of flying blade that would make a samuri blush,cutting and hacking like a jungle surveyor with a machette.In one final swipe, I was free and stood triumphantly with my tighty pale whitelies held high above my head. The only person who took notice was some girl walking around with a clipboard, taking notes on somethign. She smiled and jotted something down. Im sure Ill be the subject of the next safety meeting for that one. So now Ive come to a point in my life that I know that no matter what I do, my underwear just isnt going to stay up without elastic.
Now you know what to do if youre in a similar situation.
Thanks for listening