dedpedal
05-10-2008, 03:19 AM
Ok folks, I swear to god this one is going to toss your mind even less than it did mine. Ever have one of those things happen that you cant explain? Cmon, were men and we know everything (or can at least baffle enough bullshit to com up with a plausible theory). Grab a beer and listen in. This one freaked me out.
My toilet is haunted. There, I said it. My toilet is haunted. Its not the typical haunting like those crappers on a cruise ship. Those things are more like a disposal than a toilet. Guys, word of warning: Unless you want to look like a bipod with a kickstand, make sure your zipped up and standing back before flushing. Anyways, I went in to do my morning duty and noticed that it was humid in the bathroom. It was alot like going in just after someone took a hot shower. It was dark and just before the flouresent lights kicked on, I could swear I saw a glow where the crapper should be. Once the lights came on, I forgot about the glow and attributted it to lighting a smoke before entering (its an old habit from living with others). I noted the high level of humidity and plopped down on the seat for the morning thing. I grabbed an old Stang rag out of the magazine rack and began to read.
Due to the foggieness of early morning I hadnt noticed that the seat was warm before I sat down on it. About halfway thru, I noticed that my legs were sweating and there was steam rising from between my thighs. "WHooo hoooo I gotta stop eating them buritos from Speedway" I sad outloud.
I became aware of the problem about the same time that I flushed. The damn toilet was HOT. I felt the tank, bowl and water feed. All hot to the touch. Not burning, but hot. I couldnt figure this one out.
Fuggit, off to work. If nothing else, its going to be nice come next winter. Well the day at work let me forget about my specteral shit disposal. I came home, ate dinner and fell asleep on the couch. I think I had a few too many or too few because I was awake at 1:39 and had to drop a loaf. I was still half asleep as I dropped my ample ass down on the seat and sighed with relief that I hadnt made a mess on the white couch. It wasnt meant to be I guess, as it took me over an hour and two magazines before I think I dozed off, still sitting on the crapper like Elvis.
Ladies reading this will know and guys will ask, but steam does things to human flesh. Remember that Seinfeld episode where the guy is in the pool and somehow shows his tiny package and yelling "SHRINKAGE" ? Well, steam does the opposite. I think i woke up about the time my ballsack hit the water. Talk about steamed Kentucky Mountain Oysters eh? Well there I was, dragging the twins behind me like a third foot and got the realisation that my toilet is either haunted or possessed. While it was somewhat calm when I took a bible in to read, Im afraid that its only waiting, patiently, to steam my balls to the point that it can bite them off and make me a gelding. If I disappear over the next day or two, it means that the self exorcism didnt work and Im the prisoner of my own toilet. Will someone call a priest and a good plumber?
My toilet is haunted. There, I said it. My toilet is haunted. Its not the typical haunting like those crappers on a cruise ship. Those things are more like a disposal than a toilet. Guys, word of warning: Unless you want to look like a bipod with a kickstand, make sure your zipped up and standing back before flushing. Anyways, I went in to do my morning duty and noticed that it was humid in the bathroom. It was alot like going in just after someone took a hot shower. It was dark and just before the flouresent lights kicked on, I could swear I saw a glow where the crapper should be. Once the lights came on, I forgot about the glow and attributted it to lighting a smoke before entering (its an old habit from living with others). I noted the high level of humidity and plopped down on the seat for the morning thing. I grabbed an old Stang rag out of the magazine rack and began to read.
Due to the foggieness of early morning I hadnt noticed that the seat was warm before I sat down on it. About halfway thru, I noticed that my legs were sweating and there was steam rising from between my thighs. "WHooo hoooo I gotta stop eating them buritos from Speedway" I sad outloud.
I became aware of the problem about the same time that I flushed. The damn toilet was HOT. I felt the tank, bowl and water feed. All hot to the touch. Not burning, but hot. I couldnt figure this one out.
Fuggit, off to work. If nothing else, its going to be nice come next winter. Well the day at work let me forget about my specteral shit disposal. I came home, ate dinner and fell asleep on the couch. I think I had a few too many or too few because I was awake at 1:39 and had to drop a loaf. I was still half asleep as I dropped my ample ass down on the seat and sighed with relief that I hadnt made a mess on the white couch. It wasnt meant to be I guess, as it took me over an hour and two magazines before I think I dozed off, still sitting on the crapper like Elvis.
Ladies reading this will know and guys will ask, but steam does things to human flesh. Remember that Seinfeld episode where the guy is in the pool and somehow shows his tiny package and yelling "SHRINKAGE" ? Well, steam does the opposite. I think i woke up about the time my ballsack hit the water. Talk about steamed Kentucky Mountain Oysters eh? Well there I was, dragging the twins behind me like a third foot and got the realisation that my toilet is either haunted or possessed. While it was somewhat calm when I took a bible in to read, Im afraid that its only waiting, patiently, to steam my balls to the point that it can bite them off and make me a gelding. If I disappear over the next day or two, it means that the self exorcism didnt work and Im the prisoner of my own toilet. Will someone call a priest and a good plumber?