PDA

View Full Version : Joe's morning funny



cobrajoe
06-17-2008, 09:42 AM
Going to war.....

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.:AR15:

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.:AR15:

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. Now, 'Get down and give me ... ER ... One.'

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. :AR15::AR15::AR15:

k062693w
06-17-2008, 09:45 AM
That's the Truth!!!!! Good One Joe !!!!!!

95turbocharged
06-17-2008, 10:18 AM
nice it actually make sense either that or I am just cranky!

Black Horse
06-17-2008, 10:57 AM
I think we should send in the Menopausal women....not that would get things taken care of in a hurry!

DeckerEnt
06-17-2008, 01:15 PM
I am 37. I like that idea. And some of you know how much I like guns....Hee hee..
Keith

cobrajoe
06-18-2008, 09:36 AM
6/18
A farmer named Patrick had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Patrick.

'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Patrick responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Patrick said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Patrick's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.

Patrick thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'

'Now what the F*ck would you say?'

cobrajoe
08-05-2008, 04:45 PM
I am posting this because we all could probably use more
calmness in our lives.


Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve
inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked
around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and,
before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of
Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a

bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder
of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res' of the Chesescke an a box a
chocolets.
Yu
haf no idr who fkin gud I fel.
Peas sen dis un to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pece.

beefcake
08-05-2008, 08:58 PM
true dat !

cobrajoe
08-06-2008, 03:03 AM
http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/rake_bush4.html
:lol:

Rabnud
08-06-2008, 03:08 AM
http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/rake_bush4.html
:lol:

:lol: heh, needed a good chuckle!