When your kid is attached to one parent and not the other

[85_SS_302_Coupe]

So, some of you know i have a 9 month old daughter. She is absolutely 100% attached to mommy. When mommy leave, she freaks the fuck out. When mommy sits her down to go take a pee, she freaks the fuck out. If mommy leaves her sight, she freaks the fuck out. Daddy can do NOTHING to console her. If for some reason the day starts out and mommy is already gone and daddy is the first one to get her out of bed, things are ok up until the point in which mommy comes back, and then no matter how happy the baby was, she turns into a screaming monster until mommy comes to pick her up.

This doesn't have anything to do with how much time either of us spend with her, because how for how i spend more time with her than mommy does. We do things pretty much the same with her. Mommy didn't even breast feed, she used the pump thing and she was bottle fed breast milk by both of us, so it's not like she had that closeness with mommy and not me. It also seems to be that she just doesn't like men because when nana comes into view it's pretty much the same deal. Daddy can walk the fuck out and she won't give it two thoughts.


So, ya know on one hand this feels pretty shitty. I feel kinda less important but that's all just head games that i play on myself. Right now she's sitting in my lap crying. It feels pretty shitty not being able to console her. The other perspective here is that it's only gonna get worse. Wait until she starts school. Right now mommy can't do a damn thing for herself because the baby has to be on her hip 24/7 as long as she's awake. She literally can't use the potty in peace without the baby freaking out. Can't take a shower, cook herself something to eat...she can't do anything that can't be done while holding a baby.


So.....my question for all you veteran parents out there, is WTF do you do with a child like this? How the hell can you at least get it to where she doesn't freak out when mommy leaves the room? I don't even care about being the #1 parent to her or anything silly like that, i just don't like that she gets so upset and there's nothing anyone can do to make her happy. Are we just SOL here or is there some kind of "baby book solution" that we need? I didn't have this problem with my son...he didn't give a damn who had him, he would go off with a stranger if we let him.

[RIXXX93GT]

Well they say you should never carry a baby on your hip all day. At that age they are very basic, they know what they want and they have figured out how to get it. If screaming and crying gets them the result they want then thats what they will do. When she goes to sleep does she sleep through the night and in her own bed? If she doesnt and your constantly getting up and appeasing her crankiness then she is conditioned to turn on the switch on every whim. Please tell me she sleeps by herself not with mommy and daddy. They need to learn that crying doesnt always equal satisfaction in the end.

[1992MustangDW]

Well they say you should never carry a baby on your hip all day. At that age they are very basic, they know what they want and they have figured out how to get it. If screaming and crying gets them the result they want then thats what they will do. When she goes to sleep does she sleep through the night and in her own bed? If she doesnt and your constantly getting up and appeasing her crankiness then she is conditioned to turn on the switch on every whim. Please tell me she sleeps by herself not with mommy and daddy. They need to learn that crying doesnt always equal satisfaction in the end.

+1 well said

[85_SS_302_Coupe]

See, that's exactly what i say. Yes she has her own bed and her own room, and she does sleep through the night just fine. I tell mommy that she needs to put her down and let her have some independent time, but she just can't stand it when she throws a fit.

It's bad for me because i don't play that game. I'm not gonna pick her up just because she throws a fit. Mommy thinks this is mean (this is her first, second for me). She's just gotta learn to let her scream until she's tired of screaming. The way i see it is if she's fed, changed and not sleepy or crying from teething or a belly ache, then she can scream her head off if it makes her happy.

[CNTLOSE]

I had the same problem with #1. It took some time but as she got older it worked its way out. By #4 my wife started listening to me about lettting them cry it out. Like you said, if they are fed, clean, and you have played with them for awhile, sometimes you just have to let them cry it out.

[sean]

Well I had the same problem. Mom didnt go running every time she cried though, but I think daughters are that way for a while in the beginning. As they get older it all changes. Mine is 9 now and theres no more damn barbie birthday cakes and everything is not purple and pink.... Just some of it. She plays sports and we finally lost the pink kleets and glove for softball. She now has one of my old brown gloves and some killer black and silver nikes. She ever love to go out on the quad. Be patient and things will come around. Just makes the time when she is happy to be with you now more special. I have a picture of my daughter hooking up a battery on my jacked up chevy truck. She is standing on the top of the tire and turning a wrench..... Cool stuff is coming for you. Its worth the wate too:bigthumb

[k062693w]

Well they say you should never carry a baby on your hip all day. At that age they are very basic, they know what they want and they have figured out how to get it. If screaming and crying gets them the result they want then thats what they will do. When she goes to sleep does she sleep through the night and in her own bed? If she doesnt and your constantly getting up and appeasing her crankiness then she is conditioned to turn on the switch on every whim. Please tell me she sleeps by herself not with mommy and daddy. They need to learn that crying doesnt always equal satisfaction in the end.

Exactly what I would have said, And you saved me all the typing !!! :bigthumb

[02mingryGT]

+1 well said

+2

My grandkids are about the same. My grandson knows if he comes over and whines about something he pretty much isn't getting jack from grandpa. I always ask him"do I look like your mom?". The granddaughter wll cry when her mother leaves sometimes but I just shake my fist in her face and tell her Grandpa will punch you in the the face. She then laughs and shakes her fist back at me. But she likes me anyway. When she sees me she starts clapping and jumping up and down. Try listening to music with her. I had my granddaughter listening to retro rock on the tv the other night. She was bobbing her head up and down to Tesla.

[Kevin Doe]

I also have a 9 month old, except a boy. I work all day 7-4, and my wife is a stay at home mom and babysits one other baby, a 7 month old girl. I guess I got lucky that he's really happy to see me when I get home and it content to stay with me when my wife isn't around. EXCEPT, when she when out of town for the weekend. The entire first day I guess he realized she's not coming right back, and he was a crab ass all day. It sucked, and made me feel like a terrible father. But the next two days he was cool with just me, and it made me feel really good, we had a good time together w/o mommy.

I guess my advice would be to slowly increase the time away from her mom. If she cries at first oh well, she'll get over it. Its the only way to break it. It will be good for your wife too, to have some free time.

[BigBadStang]

Outstanding advice guys!

See, you doused her with a whole bag of cheese curls and she is getting back at you...classic female.:lol::lol:

[StangAngel]

See, that's exactly what i say. Yes she has her own bed and her own room, and she does sleep through the night just fine. I tell mommy that she needs to put her down and let her have some independent time, but she just can't stand it when she throws a fit.

It's bad for me because i don't play that game. I'm not gonna pick her up just because she throws a fit. Mommy thinks this is mean (this is her first, second for me). She's just gotta learn to let her scream until she's tired of screaming. The way i see it is if she's fed, changed and not sleepy or crying from teething or a belly ache, then she can scream her head off if it makes her happy.

My oldest was and still is up his dads butt, however my middle son and my little girl up mine for the longest time. There will come a point in time when mom is gonna realize that even tho it's her first shes gonna have to let her cry and throw her fit. Babies learn that if they cry they get attention and get what they want, after going through that with my son it was easier to deal with when my little girl came around. I had a hand in their actions cause after three babies and being a single mom for the longest time it's hard not to give in and just give them what they want ecspecially when your wore out. Eventually mom will understand when she can't even take a pee or a shower by herself that Baby girl is gonna have to be told no and learn how to communicate what she wants with a different attitude or way without the temp tantrums, you have to be able to show a child that, fits don't get you what you want.. ITS REALLY HARD TO..... it's just gonna take time cause that may be the only way she knows how to get what she wants, until she learns otherwise.

[MsBlkramair]

stop breastfeeding! hahaha that will get her off your wife. J/k babies that young are all over the caregiver that is there all the time. You break that cycle and it will help in the long run. If you have patience.....she will turn out to be a daddy's girl soon....about 1 1/2 years old. Good luck

[04 Venom]

It doesn't make it any easier now, but they do grow out of it. Mommy also needs to realize that she is rewarding the behavior by picking her up and that it is not "mean" to let her cry in an effort to break this cycle of behavior. We went through this with my youngest granddaughter; her mother picked her up every time she cried.

[MsBlkramair]

It doesn't make it any easier now, but they do grow out of it. Mommy also needs to realize that she is rewarding the behavior by picking her up and that it is not "mean" to let her cry in an effort to break this cycle of behavior. We went through this with my youngest granddaughter; her mother picked her up every time she cried.



I have to concure!

[85_SS_302_Coupe]

Outstanding advice guys!

See, you doused her with a whole bag of cheese curls and she is getting back at you...classic female.:lol::lol:

That sounds about right :lol:


She is happy to see me when i come home, but she just doesn't want anyone to hold her except mommy.

['92Stang]

Hi David, After Abby was born. Her mom went back to work around 6mo.. Abby kind of had the same reaction as your little one. We bought one of those baby papoose(reverse backpack) carriers. Pretty much had to, cause at the time I was boarding 20+ horses, and had to feed etc.. With her facing outward seeing all the different colors, horses, trees and so on...Within a week or so, I couldn't get out of her site without her fussing. She really enjoyed her time outdoors, and in the barn and still does..Looks like it's time for your little girl to work on your coupe with you..:D Good luck:bigthumb

[85_SS_302_Coupe]

Yeah we got one of those backpack things. I bet a woman invented the damn things...lol. We went to Ault park and hit the hiking trails and it was great fun except for coming back up the huge ass hill with a 25lb baby on my back in a 10lb carrier. I still beat mommy up the hill..lol

['92Stang]

Lol...your probably right. The one we had you could also strap it on the front, with the baby facing away from you. It was great until the straps sometime loosened up, and Abby would see something and get excited. Next thing you got was a baby's heel check in the junk from her kicking..lol. One good thing is ours had a pocket on the side for a bottle holder. It also held a can of my favorite pilsner pretty good:D