dedpedal
10-04-2011, 11:45 AM
Yes guys, just because its been awhile since my last rant doesnt mean that my life has run out of things to rant about.
So, on Sunday night I was hanging at my local watering hole watching football and NHRA drag racing. The bar was somewhat empty as most of the games had concluded and people had headed home. Being the inquisitive person I am, I began watching people for my own entertainment. Enter Pedro.
Pedro was clearly inebriated beyond any form of self control. I first noticed him shaking hands and hi-fiving the bar manager. I got wind of some sort of bet being attempted by Pedro. In broken english he managed to convey that some soccer team was going to win. The manager just shook his head and Pedro moved on.
Pedro's next victim was a girl sitting at the corner of the bar. He asked her ( I found out later) where all the girls with the big boobs where. Apparently she was offended and went off on him. Pointing to her own rack she told him that he should look at her eyes when talking to her and that the girls who worked there were not his personal eye candy. That ran him off rather quickly.
Pedro moved on down the bar, offending people as he worked his way toward myself and my friend.
His next stop was a couple of guys next to us. He was so drunk that he picked up one guys beer and drank from it. Pedro was on fire by now. He asked to steal a smoke. Really? Learn how to speak buddy. So anyways, he gets a ciggarette and tries to light it. I guess his depth perception was way off as he couldnt get the lighter closer than an inch from the tip then burnt his hand when he tried to shelter the flame from the wind (inside a bar) to finaly get it lit.
Now hes buying beer for everyone. I had just gotten one and so had my friend so we asked to keep it on ice. Pedro obviously doesnt understand how bars keep track of drinks since he took the empty cups from in front of us and said BUSHEET! He went back to talking to his newfound friends, two guys who were simply tolerating his presence. I went back to football for awhile.
On to us. Pedro wore out his welcome and moved to us. He knew he had offended us previously so he kept saying no offence brudder before saying anything.
I dont know how he got onto salsa. Im guessing its some sort of dance in Mexico. He asked if I like salsa and I kicked back " No, its like all mexican food. It looks like someone already chewed it up and spit it out." He didnt get it. Then he said he wanted to salsa ME. At this point I told him that I wasnt into weird sex, much less with a short AppleBees cook. Yea, he was proud that he works there. Go figure. About this time he needed another Corona and wanted to buy for us as well. When the bartender asked what I wanted, I said " A shovel and a bag of lime." Clearly Pedro was slightly fazed by my reply a he got real quiet.
Pedro backed away and headed back to "his friends". The guy on the left leaned over and asked me what i wanted a shovel and lime for. I replied loudly, " to dig a shallow grave".
Pedro left shortly after. Probably to go argue with his brother in law for violating his sister.
Good Night Pedro.
So, on Sunday night I was hanging at my local watering hole watching football and NHRA drag racing. The bar was somewhat empty as most of the games had concluded and people had headed home. Being the inquisitive person I am, I began watching people for my own entertainment. Enter Pedro.
Pedro was clearly inebriated beyond any form of self control. I first noticed him shaking hands and hi-fiving the bar manager. I got wind of some sort of bet being attempted by Pedro. In broken english he managed to convey that some soccer team was going to win. The manager just shook his head and Pedro moved on.
Pedro's next victim was a girl sitting at the corner of the bar. He asked her ( I found out later) where all the girls with the big boobs where. Apparently she was offended and went off on him. Pointing to her own rack she told him that he should look at her eyes when talking to her and that the girls who worked there were not his personal eye candy. That ran him off rather quickly.
Pedro moved on down the bar, offending people as he worked his way toward myself and my friend.
His next stop was a couple of guys next to us. He was so drunk that he picked up one guys beer and drank from it. Pedro was on fire by now. He asked to steal a smoke. Really? Learn how to speak buddy. So anyways, he gets a ciggarette and tries to light it. I guess his depth perception was way off as he couldnt get the lighter closer than an inch from the tip then burnt his hand when he tried to shelter the flame from the wind (inside a bar) to finaly get it lit.
Now hes buying beer for everyone. I had just gotten one and so had my friend so we asked to keep it on ice. Pedro obviously doesnt understand how bars keep track of drinks since he took the empty cups from in front of us and said BUSHEET! He went back to talking to his newfound friends, two guys who were simply tolerating his presence. I went back to football for awhile.
On to us. Pedro wore out his welcome and moved to us. He knew he had offended us previously so he kept saying no offence brudder before saying anything.
I dont know how he got onto salsa. Im guessing its some sort of dance in Mexico. He asked if I like salsa and I kicked back " No, its like all mexican food. It looks like someone already chewed it up and spit it out." He didnt get it. Then he said he wanted to salsa ME. At this point I told him that I wasnt into weird sex, much less with a short AppleBees cook. Yea, he was proud that he works there. Go figure. About this time he needed another Corona and wanted to buy for us as well. When the bartender asked what I wanted, I said " A shovel and a bag of lime." Clearly Pedro was slightly fazed by my reply a he got real quiet.
Pedro backed away and headed back to "his friends". The guy on the left leaned over and asked me what i wanted a shovel and lime for. I replied loudly, " to dig a shallow grave".
Pedro left shortly after. Probably to go argue with his brother in law for violating his sister.
Good Night Pedro.