Step Children

[KB1]

Any Step Dads out there?

I got married just about 2 years ago, my wife has 2 kids from her previous marriage, one lives with us, the other out of state.

Anyway when we first got together her daughter was 8, no problem what so ever, fast forward to 12.....OMG how things have changed, this girl is the mouthiest thing on two legs & the disrespect is off the charts, everytime I try to say anything I get the "You're not my Dad" bullshit, then my Wife says she is just a typical "teenager". Now I am here to tell you I have a 26 year old daughter & 18 year old son, neither one of them even thought about saying some of the shit this kid says.

So anybody else dealing with this or have in the past? If so how do you deal with this?

Thanks,

Kevin

[1baddlx]

I have learned that when your wife backs you up in the discipline department that the step child usually will eventually stop the attitude and disrespect,when the kid sees that mom is on your side they tend to tame down the Bullshit,I have been through hell and back with this and I have seen the kids try to play you against the other and when its over said and done with,they learned they have lost the battle of coming between the two adults...just my personal experience bro....

[akagreg3]

been there done that, my ex had 3 kids, the oldest 2 lived up north when we got together and then moved back with there mom treated me like **** all the time, disrespectful in the house i own and paid all the bills, in the end i kicked the hole mess out witch is sad cause the youngest was 1 1/2 when i got with her mom and was 9 when they left, i raised her and she acked like me nothing like the two others...
no offense but your wife need to put a stop that and should of been doing it before it even started.


best of luck,, i have lot of friends with this same problem.

[Pitbull1052]

I just went through a similar issue with one of my 4 step daughters..... the biggest thing was that i wasnt that involved i let her mom do most of it and basically by doing so she pretty much locked herself up in her own head, not realizing that i'm the one that's usually backing her. So I sat down with her one night after she came crying to me on why her mom was mad at her........ and mostly that was it her disprespectful mouth. I've got like 2 rules, do your job (which is school), resepct your mother 24/7 365. I make it pretty easy on them and they usually step up and do what they are suppose to.


I'm guessing just like mine she doesnt realize all that you do for her without question, without reward, you do it because it's the right thing to do. That's the sucky part about being step dad is that you have to do all of the work and get about 2% of the reward.


and that's the next thing get on momma she's gotta be the driving force........... either way if you're her dad or not she still lives under your roof eats your food expenses and whatever..... i'm sure when she wants you to take her some where or needs something she's all nice as pie........ well that's when i'd say i'm not your dad remember call him...


good luck bro i feel for you i've been there and it sucks and it's cancerous to your house......

[firestang70]

My situation is different I guess. My oldest two arent biologically mine, I never call them step. they are 23 and 17 now. they were 8 and 2 when we started dating. Their father has never been there for them financially,emitionally,physically(was never around much). I have been "dad" from the get go. I fell in love with them and vice versa. I also told their mother from the get go if we have a family together it has to be one way, together. In the end my wife has to be on my side.

My kids have always called me dad. My 17 yo asked me to adopt her (their "father" would never agree to it, why because he enjoyed being a pain in the ass) and are in the process now. She said she wants to be an adult and share a name with her "dad".

It was tough at first when my wife thought I was too strict at times. I am strict. It helped when we had our other two kids and she saw I treated the same as the first two. But in the end I have 4 great respectful kids. if my oldest two ever used the your not my dad line, it would have crushed me.

You need to communicate with your wife and get on the same page. If she cant support you in your role, you are doomed for failure. Seriously if you are trying to do the right things she should be behind you (at least in front of the kids). you have to ask yourself are you treating all of them the same? Or do you have a bias and maybe treat them a little different. Not trying to be a dick. But to look at the situation you need to step back and look from the outside.

I hope it all works out for you. Teenagers (especially girls at that age) can be a difficult thing.

[mad max]

I agree with everyone else , the mother has to be on board and back you or you will never win that fight.

[RIXXX93GT]

What they said...you have to be one united front when it comes to discipline and how the house is run. Kids need structure and continuity. You and your wife can discuss the details in private but you have to have each others back and then if you dont agree on how it was handled you talk about it later...alone and then come to an agreement with each other.

[IWRBB]

"You're not my Dad"

"If I was your dad, I'd be unemployed and you'd be living in a trailer next to the liquor store and rent-by-the-hour motel. You are damn lucky I'm not your Dad."

[akagreg3]

"If I was your dad, I'd be unemployed and you'd be living in a trailer next to the liquor store and rent-by-the-hour motel. You are damn lucky I'm not your Dad."

LMAO :tongue2:
well siad...

[KB1]

Pretty close to the truth, her "DAD" left right after she was born & fled to Chicago, he is $24,000 plus behind in support!!! Great Guy!

Illinois doesn't support Ohio's quest for Deadbeat Parents, the only thing they can do is suspend his Drivers License.

[Pitbull1052]

Pretty close to the truth, her "DAD" left right after she was born & fled to Chicago, he is $24,000 plus behind in support!!! Great Guy!

Illinois doesn't support Ohio's quest for Deadbeat Parents, the only thing they can do is suspend his Drivers License.




not saying what i can do or not but if you want something done let me know i've got lots of friends in Chicago :cool1:

[mf959100GT]

I am on the opposite side (being a step-son) agree with you guys 100% tho...My mom and Step-dad started dating when I was 6, and got married when I was 8...Not going to lie when I was younger I had the "Your not my dad" attitude towards him, but my mom backed him up all the time so I learned to respect him more as I got older...Not only did my mom back him up, but he treated me as his own, sometimes better than his other kids lol. Now that I'm older and I look back on how I acted towards him I'm kind of ashamed of myself because he was there trying to be my dad, when my biological father didn't want to (turned out he raised step-kids of his own instead of me...) So like everyone else is saying once you get the mother on your side and back up what you say it should start getting better...Good Luck

[KB1]

Thanks Guys for all the advice & sharing your stories, see it goes to show you this site is not just about selling cars, parts & whining!!!

I let my wife read this thread.......she had no idea it was like this & had the :eek: look in her eyes, she apologized for not really seeing what was going on & says she will back me & have a long talk with her.

Hopefully things will improve over time!

Thanks again,

Kevin

[firestang70]

Awesome Kevin, I hope it works out well for the whole family.

[mad max]

Hope it works out for you kevin , its a tough spot to be in and it gets frustrating when you try to do your best and its not working.

[Pitbull1052]

Thanks Guys for all the advice & sharing your stories, see it goes to show you this site is not just about selling cars, parts & whining!!!

I let my wife read this thread.......she had no idea it was like this & had the :eek: look in her eyes, she apologized for not really seeing what was going on & says she will back me & have a long talk with her.

Hopefully things will improve over time!

Thanks again,

Kevin






No doubt Kev I'm glad we could help trust me i know how tough of a spot it can be and i think just like you it took me to the point of where i'd had enough and laid it all out for them before they knew how bad it was for me. Hopefully it will get better and if not one day she'll realize you were only doing the right thing........

[Galaxie]

I have been there as well with two girls . The oldest was the worst she had not met her father untill she was 12 then it was on . She tried the same shit as everybody else she but would get mad at me go to her room and slam her bedroom door . I spoke with her several times about respecting my house and our home . She kept it up and I took the door off the hinges and put it in the garage she soon learned I was not playing her game . My wife was not happy but understood the direction I was going .