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Thread: Mother#%!*$ Low Fat Pringles

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    Thumbs down Mother#%!*$ Low Fat Pringles

    I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat. Fuck it, who am I kidding, I am fat. So, anyway, I needed something to satisfy my chips need and not add more to my girth.

    I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor.

    The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…

    (except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope)

    …is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

    Oh Yeah. I’m not even kidding.

    So today, while I’m standing in the living room debating whether or not laundry or dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I was home alone, so sweet! I let the honk loose and its wrong. I mean, something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

    Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself!! But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I’m telling you. THAT’s how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I’d gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

    So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

    I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

    The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So....

    ....I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I’m clean.

    That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. Truly NASTY.

    So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

    You fucking Pringle bastards.

    The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

    Fucking Pringle bastards.

    This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from, its real.

    Fuck Pringles
    Greg
    Midnight Mafia

  2. #2
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    Your not even right. Thats some funny SHIT!!!!

  3. #3
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    puck fringles,go wash your ass with a toilet brush
    Plan b is to finish plan a

  4. #4
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    You and Kevin need to quit hanging around each other.


  5. #5
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    omg, i can't quit fukin laughing
    [B]2015 Mustang GT - 8.40@170
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  6. #6
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    Haha...ya...Olean is a fat substitue that P&G invented and sold off. It's still made in cincy (ivorydale). If you only eat 1 or 2 servings a day...your ok. But if you chow down 4-5+ sevings in a day...you get mud butt
    Kilkare xtreme outlawseries X235 2014 Champion and Record Holder
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  7. #7
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    I don't know what to say.....other than wow that's some funny shit!!!

  8. #8
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    anal leakage (mud butt!) or be fat.

    fat for the win!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mista Bone View Post
    anal leakage (mud butt!) or be fat.

    fat for the win!
    Greg
    Midnight Mafia

  10. #10
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    I cant stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. #11
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    That cracked me right up! You are just are not right!
    I can "Visualize Whirrled Peas" - thanks for the ride Vinny, it was much too short!



    -- Dave
    Resident Philosopher

  12. #12
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    dude, i've got people falling outta their chairs at work
    [B]2015 Mustang GT - 8.40@170
    2022 F150 10.76
    www.beefcakeracing.com for all your late model Mustang, Hemi and Camaro Exhaust / Supercharger / Suspension and suspension needs.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kwik92GT View Post
    I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat. Fuck it, who am I kidding, I am fat. So, anyway, I needed something to satisfy my chips need and not add more to my girth.

    I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor.

    The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…

    (except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope)

    …is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

    Oh Yeah. I’m not even kidding.

    So today, while I’m standing in the living room debating whether or not laundry or dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I was home alone, so sweet! I let the honk loose and its wrong. I mean, something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

    Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself!! But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I’m telling you. THAT’s how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I’d gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

    So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

    I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

    The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So....

    ....I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I’m clean.

    That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. Truly NASTY.

    So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

    You fucking Pringle bastards.

    The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

    Fucking Pringle bastards.

    This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from, its real.

    Fuck Pringles
    I got the heads up about Olean when it first came out..I have a few friends that work at P&G...Check all food labels for that crap...
    Shawn

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
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    2,662
    ah Greg, I had to wipe my eyes after reading that...too damn funny.
    run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve
    you cry to weak friends that sympathize
    can't you hear the violins playing your song?
    those same friends tell me your every word

  15. #15
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    WOW! That was truely gross. Greg you kill me.

  16. #16
    SMOKE is offline Stangbangerz.com baby woo
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    Jesus man! That is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time!

  17. #17
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    LOL!!!! Almost rivals for the best thread of the year already.......
    I'm not afraid that it will be copied.......no one else is dumb enough to do what I did.

    SirDedpedal: i really like boost

  18. #18
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    That story had me in tears. Thank you!! I think you just did Sir Dedpedal proud.

  19. #19
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    South of the river in gods country
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    Pure genius if I say so myself. Im wondering what today is gonna bring. I had Whiteys for dinner with wings and 4 pitchers of draught beer.
    I love F bodies!!

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    Huber Heights
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    255
    I didn't laugh out loud till I read the mud butt post...Classic I tell ya.

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